Jim 5 of --
One Evening in Portland, OR
Sometimes trying to be a good guy can backfire, and get one in trouble, almost.
Sometime back in the 1960s, I was in Portland, OR on business, as I had been a couple of times. That evening I went for a walk from my Motel, being careful that I was walking in a nice part of town. The street was lined with what looked like homes, townhouses, with about 5 or 6 steps up to a small porch.
As I was passing one home, it appeared that a lady, who was unlocking her door, had fallen and was trying to get up. Being a great guy, I went up the steps to help her into the house. There were 2 or 3 young “ladies” in the room, and as I helped the lady into a chair, one young lady was offering me what might be expected in this environment. I felt a hand near my wallet. By now the “lady” was grabbing hold of me and talking in some foreign language to the others. I then noticed one young lady was on the phone, talking excitingly, and I noticed another girl leaving the room with my wallet in her hand.
Two or three people were now grabbing me, so I snatched the wallet and ran out the door, down the steps, and walked hurriedly down the street towards my Motel. I didn’t want to run, as that might cause someone to wonder what I was up to, but by the time I had gone nearly a block, a car came skidding around the corner, headed in the direction of the now “famous” house.
The car screeched to a halt, three guys jumped out and ran into the house. By now I was at a street corner, so stepped around the corner, and looked back to see the guys come out of the house looking to see if they could find me. Well, now I ran back to the Motel, and that was the end of that
The Nurse gave Linda a shot, Linda gave her a Re-Shot
One time, when Linda was about 2 years old, we took her to the doctor to get a shot for her cold. As the nurse pushed the needle into her fanny, she screamed and tensed up so much, as the nurse pulled out the needle, the medicine just flew out of her cute little fanny, and flew across the room. The nurse said she had seen that before, but not often.
Linda says she does not remember this time, but that several years later she remembers the same thing happened in another Doctor’s office. I wasn’t there for that one.
A nice Airplane ride.
One time I flew in a private executive airplane, from Witchal Falls to Dallas. I had turned in my rental car, then found my flight to Dallas was cancelled. The husband of the lady at the rental car desk, was the pilot for a local bank, and since he was leaving in a few minutes, she received permission for me to ride along. Very nice, a small prop plane, plush, compared to a regular airplane. And we landed near a fence and a gate, just a few steps from the sidewalk. Of course I had to walk to the rental car desk, but that was fine.
Ten Years of IRS Audit
Due to a mistake in reporting to the IRS about a partnership I was involved in, during the ten years that the partnership fought this mess, I was audited each year. IRS said I owed $56,000, but I knew it was more like $8,000, but I was not allowed to pay, unless I paid it all.
I learned how I could just string it along, then invested the $8,000 or so in discounted Bonds of Eastern Airlines, and Chrysler, and by the time the IRS mess was solved, I had earned enough to pay the tax, plus penalty and interest on the original problem, and on the profit I had earned in the meantime.
At one point what the IRS was trying to do was so bad, my Congressman went to the IRS office in DC and complained. That so infuriated the IRS office in So Cal, that I got an anonymous obscene phone call, that I recognized as being from the IRS So Cal office. I made a detail note of the call, and sent it to the Congressman for his files.
During that call they promised to get even with me later, and they tried. A couple of years later I got a demand for an audit, but everything they said in the letter I knew was wrong. When I got to the local IRS office, the auditor blew his top, and said that even if everything they said was true, I still would not own any tax.
One IRS man had worked with me for the ten years, and said, jokingly, he would not retire until it was solved, just to see what they would do. I asked for the name of his boss so I could write a letter of compliment, and he said, “Don’t you dare, they would fire me.”
My congressman retired from Congress, and I just happened to meet him 3 or 4 times in a store, and he remembered me from that terrible ten years.
Oh what a Beautiful Sweetie
My beautiful Sweetie was Bed Candy, and Arm Candy.
I failed a Driver’s Test in Fort Worth
I had first learned to drive farm tractors and a big truck, when I worked at a neighbor’s farm, when I was maybe 14 years old. I got my driver’s license a couple of days after my 16th birthday, and drove several different vehicles.
In the Army, for a little while, I was a driving instructor, and conducted driver’s tests for several vehicles, including large trucks.
When we moved to Texas, I went to the office to get a driver’s license, and was required to take an actual driver’s test. There had just been a large rain storm, and as I turned on the street the tester told me to, I found it was a dirt street, and half way down the block was a large pool of water on the right side, extending from the middle of the street into a lawn nearby, and there was a bunch of boys playing in it. Since there were no cars coming towards me, I just went to the other lane and drove past the “swimming pool.”
When I got back to the office, the man said I had failed to test, because I could have blown the horn, and the boys would have gotten out of the way, and I could have driven through the pool of water, as it was not very deep.
There was nothing I could do about it at that moment, so I came back a few days later and passed the test.
Pixie in a Motel room
We found that we could stay at the Motel 6 in Palm Springs, with our dog Pixie with us. Otherwise the cost of a kennel was more than our hotel room for the weekend, and one time Pixie got sick at the kennel. She behaved herself while left in the room, and never messed up the floor. And was nice company as we went for a walk.
My Sweetie was Drunk, once and only once
Sweetie loved grapes, and one day, late in the season, after standing under the grape arbor eating grapes in the hot summer sun, she felt ill. I took her to the doctor, and he said the only problem was that Sweetie was drunk!! The grapes had fermented. And believe it, that was the only time in her life that she had that problem.
It would be worth a lot of money these days
In Chicago one time, a soda fountain where I had delivered milk, went out of business, and was being remodeled. The contractor wanted to get rid of the old equipment, and offered it to me for $100. It was a complete soda fountain, all marble, including stools, counter, large mirror, and all the trimmings found in Soda fountains 90 years ago. It could be worth thousands today, but while I had the $100, I had no way to remove it within the next couple of hours, and no where to store it until I thought of what to do with it.
Working on a Stove Assemble Line
At Hotpoint, where I worked on the assembly line for kitchen stoves, they were building a new assembly line in a new building. The engineers came and did a detailed time and motion study to see what it really took to do the job. We were building Hotpoint and GE stoves, and the way you told them apart was to look at the company icon that the first assembler put on the stove. Other than that there identical in every way.
I remember going into an appliance store and found the stoves with two very different prices. The store owner would not believe me until I lifted the burner section, and removed the back of the backsplash, and showed him the exact same switches and wires.
When I first saw the new line they were building, I told an engineer that something was wrong, but he would not listen to me. They had watched and timed each and every move anyone made, and had determined the new assembly line could be shorter than the old one.
A few days later, when we moved to that new line, I again told them it would not work. In less than an hour of operation, it was obvious it would not work, and again I tried to tell them what the problem was.
They “knew” that a stupid 16 year old kid could not tell them anything, so finally I went to the boss and told him what the problem was.
They had timed the actions of the people, but had not accounted for the movement of the line. When a wire was soldered, it only took so many seconds for the operator to touch the switch, and put the solder on the connection, but they had not allowed for the distance the line had to move during the time the solder was melting and getting cold. By the time those functions were finished, operators had their arms and hands all mixed up, one trying to finish one job, and the next trying to start another job.
So I was right, but they were unhappy that I was able to tell them before they figured it out. It took a lot of work to extend the line, move all the parts bins, and get the operation working. The engineers still thought I was a stupid Kid, but the Supervisor liked me.
All I remember about this job was that it lasted a short time. I think I was working here while there was a strike going on at some other company, where I also worked for a very short time.
Changing tires, two ways, one right, one wrong, and both wrong
One time I worked at a tire store, where I had to mount truck tires of all kinds. That was in the days before equipment was available to help with the heavy tires. As we mounted the tires, we placed it in a cage so that no one would get killed it the rim flew off from the air pressure. I have seen the rim fly off with such force that it went through the building wall.
I had two bosses, brothers, and each had a way they thought was the only way to do the job, and if one saw me doing it as the other brother insisted, I got hollered at and vice versa. Finally I was able to get them together to decide what I should do and how I was to do it, and they almost had a fight when they found that each other brother was doing the job the wrong way, but finally they quit hollering at me. Both ways worked.
And the Furniture factory burned down
I worked in a furniture factory located within sight of our home in Flora, for a few months. As expected there were many cutting machines that created a lot of sawdust, and the machine tools got hot. Also there was a big vacuum system that collected the sawdust and deposited it in a pile outside the factory.
One time they remodeled the factory and moved some of the equipment. At one spot where I worked at times, they relocated one of the machines, and placed a large vacuum hose to remove the sawdust, without concern about fire. I warned them that the machine cutter near the vacuum hose got very hot, so if the sawdust ever built up, and the vacuum didn’t get it all removed, it could be bad.
A few weeks after I quit that job, much of the furniture factory burned to the ground.
I received the largest check
When I worked at Chance Vought Aircraft in Dallas, they paid a cost of living bonus as a separate check, a few pennies per hour worked in the previous three months. I sat the record for the size of the check one quarter. I worked 40 hours of straight time each week, and I worked so many hours of overtime, and the bonus was time and a half for all overtime hours worked, so I set the record. Don’t remember how much money it was, but it was more than $100, and was nice.
Almost an Accident on a Tractor
At Richey’s Dairy, at Martinsburg, PA, in addition to milking 50 cows morning and night, I worked on the farm between milling time.
I was plowing the ground, using an old tractor, a IHC 107 I think it was, the clutch pad on the IHC 107 Tractor came lose and folded so that the clutch could not be released. I was backing towards the plow that had long handles, and the handle was pushing me away from the break pedal, but I managed to kick the gear shift lever, so it went into neutral, and that stopped it, just before I was pushed off the tractor, right in back of the rear tire, that was going n reverse.
Just made it. I need a photo to explain, but can’t find one on the Net.
It was the Driver’s Fault
One day, I think it was in Copenhagen, Sweetie and I boarded the bus. I handed the driver a Danish Bill, he gave me a piece of paper and some change. In a lot of places in Europe, and now also in the USA, there is not a ticket collector, but there is sometimes a guard with will give a large fine if you don’t have a ticket.
In a few minutes a ticket checker boarded the car, and after scanning the piece of paper, said, “Where is her ticket?” I told him what had happened, he talked to the driver, then waved to me as he got off the bus.
When Sweetie and I got off the bus, the driver apologized.
It wasn’t my honor, it was his that was the problem.
We all had Different Mothers, or Rather, different Results.
One time, maybe 65 years ago, I overheard my Mother talking with three of four other ladies. They were talking about their children, and after Mom finished telling about her successful sons, Farmer Paul, the College Professor Jesse, and the School Teacher Johnny, one of the ladies said, “You would think they each had a different Mother.”
The ladies all laughed, then laughed even more when I said, “And you would think that James did not have a Mother.” That was the highlight of their laughter.
My Favorite Air Field
A couple of years ago I saw a very beautiful young lady with an extremely low cut blouse.
She was wearing a necklace with a beautiful airplane hanging low between her breasts. Of course she could see me admiring the view, then said, "Do you like my Airplane?"
I said, "No, but I love the landing field."
Don’t even let them tell you is was an accident
About a year ago as I made a deposit in the bank, the cashier had a blouse so low cut you could almost see her belly button, when she leaned over. I had seen her before dressed about the same.
I said, "When you got dressed this morning, did you know of the beautiful view all your male customers would have today?" With a big smile she said, "Sure, that's why I dressed this way."
R. I Humberd’s books
Well as far as books go, if you Google “R I Humberd” you will hit many of his 38 books and booklets. Thousands have been sold, usually in the churches where he was speaking on his intensive tours over many years.
Seventy years ago we had a print shop in our garage, and the books were set in type, one letter, one comma, one period, at a time, using the letters in a “California Case.” Jesse did most of it, but you can not imagine, and I can not write at the moment, of all the fantastic detail he had to do.
The books were printed on a hand-fed letter press, books were advertised in religious magazines, and were on a table at the back of the auditorium where he spoke.
Some of the Books by and about Sweetie and I
In the ‘80s, the ‘90s, and 2000s, I wrote some long letters about our travels, then had some requests to have them printed in book form. Just a couple of weeks after I had three books published, My Most Beautiful Sweetie had a stroke, so selling books was far from an important job for me. I generally give them away to some one who seems interesting in our travels. Dan and Linda have a closet full of them.
I have recently had 50 copies each of 6 volumes of Gem books, each with two front covers, that contain a total of 1800 pages. The people who get them, love them, but since they are centered on the People, the Architecture, and the Geography, and show nothing about the tools of travel such as hotel and restaurants, book agents are not interested.
These are “Why not travel,” rather than the usual, boring “How to Travel books” that sees almost nothing but hotels and restaurants.
These books can all be found on our Web Site. At Travel-Tidbits.com, scroll down the right side a screen or two, and you will find
Book = Gem Books PDF (68)
Book = Invitation to France (8)
Book = Invitation to Germany (11)
Book = Invitation to Italy (11)
Book = Personal Snippets (4)
Book = Sample Snippets and Gems (2)
Book = Travel Snippets (9)
Have a solid base to your business
Paul and Leila’s son Steve, lives in Arizona is an outstanding Computer Chip designer. He said that when the economy started to drop his boss said, "When the tide goes out, you can tell who has been swimming naked!" He meant that companies that were just getting along, but did not have a solid base, were done for.
Shoot the Parishioner
We have heard the story of the preacher who was shot while speaking in his church, this past weekend (March 2009). Well my Father was a minister and often spent time helping other ministers, especially one in what was then called Bloody Breathitt County, Kentucky. His Diary tells about this several times.
One time, when I was about 5 years old, while my Dad was preaching, a window was pushed open from the outside, a long gun was stuck through the window and leveled towards someone sitting there. The pastor of the church, a very well known man in the area, quickly took his chair and sat between the gunner and the target.
The gun was withdrawn, the window was closed, and the sermon continued.
Another time I remember looking across the river and seeing a man on a horse going as fast as possible, and following him was another man on a horse with a long gun, firing at the man he was following. He missed.
In Sister Mary’s story, she says, “When they went to visit a Mission up the river a ways (right now I forget the name of that Mission), they had to go by the river bed. They usually took a donkey with them when they went to the other mission, so they put me in a gunny sack on one side of the donkey, and that’s how we went up to the Mission.
Excitement in Fort Worth, Texas, Really
In Fort Worth, young people I worked with, went downtown to Leonards’s Department Store, just to ride the escalator, the only one in town. That is actually true, they would not believe me when I said that in Chicago, drugstores had an escalator.
Near downtown there was a rather long underpass, which was called the Subway, for some reason. Some of the people I worked with at an insurance company, would not believe me when I described the Subway in Chicago, New York City, and other places.
I checked out a book from the library to show them the other part of the world.
When people kidded that the sun came up late in Fort Worth because the tall buildings in Dallas blocked the sun, you could almost believe it.
Color, Sex, Creed, and other features
I have talked to many people over the decades, and have found that when you get to the bottom line, no one really hates another person because of color, race, gender, creed, or anything like that. Those factors are the identifiers, and what you do next depends on your past experience with such a person, or what you just read in the paper, or heard on the news.
Just the other day I said to a Black man, a Pharmacist, “Do you know what I would do if I saw three big black men coming towards me on a dark street?”
He said, “You would cross the street.” I said, “No, I would say, Good evening Michael Jordan, glad to meet you Magic Johnson, I loved your show Bill Cosby.” He cheered my comment, and roared with laughter.
If you were a steady watcher of the Jerry Springer TV show, and someone told you a Black family was going to move into a house just down the block, you would be horrified.
If you were a steady watcher of the Bill Cosby TV show, and someone told you a Black family was going to move into a house just down the block, you would be thrilled.
You do not command respect, you earn it. If most of the stories in the paper tell about black gang members killing people, the Black community must correct that problem, the white community can’t do it.
Grandpa’s gas pump on the farm
On Grandpa Black’s farm, he had several tractors and other equipment that ran on gasoline, so Grandpa installed an underground gas tank, with a gas pump just like in a gas station.
That gas pump, as were many in those days, had a glass tank at the top, and a handle for a pump that would fill the tank with the number of gallons that were needed.
What I discovered, and was assured that some gas station owners also knew, was if you leaned against the handle a little, a portion of the gas would return to the underground tank, instead of into the customers gas tank. Another way to make a little money. After that, I always insisted the man filling my tank, stand away.
Great Grand fathers, and their Great-Grand daughters
The big news of 1989 was the birth of our 4th grandchild, Linda & Dan's Christiana Elisabeth Osti, born Aug. 25th. We know that middle name is not spelled as we would expect, but when you call her for dinner, she always arrives.
Strangely enough, she is the third consecutive generation daughter to be born on the EXACT month and day that her great-grandfather died years before;
Emmy's great-grandfather had died on her birth day, Jan. 2;
Linda's great-grandfather had died on her birth day, Sept. 17;
and Christiana's great-grandfather (Emmy's father) had died on her birthrate, Aug. 25.
What all this means, we don't know, but don't you agree it is indeed strange? But we did carefully check with cousins in Germany, to make sure we had the right dates. Of course we knew for sure when Sweeties Dad died, and when Christiana was born.
Topsy was a Great horse, and saved my life, almost
The horses we owned on the Martinsburg Farm, were Mustangs, not the most friendly horse you will meet. They did not like to be ridden at first, and they were sometimes difficult to convince they were to pull the plow.
One time, when I was maybe 14 years old, I was plowing in the back field, as far from the house as I could get. I had had problems with my back for a few years by the time, and still have a problem each and every day. I installed a Hot tub in the back yard, to keep it working, 65 years later.
When I turned a corner with the plow, it was a heavy thing to do, and I had to twist my body to make it work. At one point my foot slipped in a furrow, and my back went out of joint. No way I could walk, let along plow, and no one would come looking for me for many hours yet.
Most any horse, especially a couple of rather wild Mustangs, do not like the trace chains dragging around their feet, but all I could do was craw to the double tree and unhook the chains and let them hang.
I then crawled to the fence, leading Topsy, with Prince tagging along. I managed to climb the fence, then lay across Topsy's back, something she would not allow at any time in the past.
She then knew to go down the lane towards the house, with chains dragging and hitting her, and Prince’s legs. Never would they do that if you asked them to.
When we got to the barn, when the horses always stopped, Topsy kept going, and stopped at the fence just behind the house, waiting for my mother to come out and help me.
Now there is no way under the sun you can tell me that Topsy didn’t understand the problem, and the solution. There were times over the years that I wished a human friend was so nice and helpful.
Computer Games
Did you ever notice that with the millions of Computer Games, and the billions of Dollars and trillions of hours spent on such things, not one that I have heard of, has anything to do with Education.
You can hit a couple of keys, and 10,000,000 photos of beautiful ladies doing all kinds of sexual things are available to the teenagers, but not one gives a history lesson, at least not one I have heard of.
Twenty years or so ago, I suggested to the President (If anyone can admit to being in charge of such slime) of a “so-called” computer game company, that he create education games.
The game would require a certain amount of “education success” in the game, so playing time could be earned before the kids would be allowed to proceed with the games that were based on things that were immoral, illegal, and dangerous. He almost hit me with his tennis racket.
About 50 years ago I presented this idea for a computer game, to the Dept. of Education in Sacramento. I had worked with computerized War Games at the RAND Corp. and at CEIR at Ft. Hauchuca in Arizona, so was familiar with computer gaming. Nothing at all like the so-called computer games of today, these were for real.
Each student would select a job or profession they might like. The computer would supply the details of wages, working hours etc. The computer would determine who was married and who had kids, and computer would supply budget requirements. The game would use an accelerated calendar, so a few years would pass in one semester.
In addition, once in a while there would be a broken leg, a flat tire, a car accident, an appendix operation, a new baby and all those other planned, and especially the unplanned things that occur in a normal way of life.
Well, among the other reasons it was never implemented was that the Dept. of Education, let alone the schools in the state, did not have enough computer power to accomplish what I proposed, but the authorities liked the general idea.
Well, I guess there wasn't that much computer power in the world at that time. Now your little computer has more power, and more memory than existed in all the computers in the world in the early ‘60s.
Come on Obama, you play with the computer toys all the time, make sure someone uses them for a real purpose.
I was first introduced to this business, such as it was, in 1944, so I have an idea what is possible. By the way, 50 years ago I wrote the computer manuals, the training material, and went to Huntsville to teach NASA how to put the men on the moon, and it worked. That little computer you are sitting at right now, is at least 2,000,000 times faster, and has millions of times as much memory, then the computers used to put men on the moon.
Move the Farm to Mexico
About 50 years ago I was talking to a vegetable farmer near Ventura, Calif. He was having a problem getting the workers he needed to plant, then to harvest his crops.
I asked why he didn’t move his operation to Mexico. I admitted I knew nothing about this for sure, but it seemed to me that just a hundred miles or so below our border, maybe the land was much like the land he was working.
If so, why not move his operation to Mexico. The land might be much like the land in Calif., and maybe could be bought at much less cost that in Calif. And just think about it, all the workers he would need would be available without breaking Government laws.
I know that I have heard of some farming below our border, and of course we get fresh fruit and vegetables all year round from the Mexican border to Tierra Del Fuego.
Just a couple of days ago I bought cherries, better than from US orchards, and cheaper than in cherry season in the US. In years gone by, My Beautiful Sweetie would try to buy me a Cantaloupe on my birthday in mid-March, the first available for many months. Now I buy they every week year round.
I would much rather send to work to Mexico, than to bring the workers here. We must change our standard of living to what we can produce for the number of people we have. As I rememberr it, everything was just fine when the population was 128,000,000 when I was born.
If we can not make it with our population, or afford to buy it with our money, then we must learn to do without it.
Pink Grapefruit
During our first visit to Europe in 1970, we rode four cable cars to the top of Schlithorn Mountain in Switzerland, a beautiful place. At the top of the mountain there is a building originally used to film the James Bond movie “On Her Majesty’s Service.” After the movie, they finished the building as a revolving restaurant. On a clear day the view of Switzerland, Germany, France and Italy, must be spectacular, but from the patio this day, we could almost see the building.
While we were coming down in a cable car this morning we met some people from Chicago. He is a member of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, and they spend a month each years visiting an European country. He told us about a new investment he had just made, a Pink Grapefruit orchard in Southern Texas.
I Love Grapefruit, so a few years later when we saw some Pink in a store, I bought one. What a mistake, to me it tasted awful, and while I have tried one many times, it still tastes awful to me, to this day.
Funny thing is, years ago I bought small cans of Del Monte Grapefruit, to eat at breakfast, when fresh grapefruit was was out of season in the US. One time the canned grapefruit tasted awful, but I didn’t know why. After that happened a few times, during a business trip to San Francisco, I made a sales call at Del Monte. During the conversation I mentioned the taste of the canned Grapefruit, and the man in charge said next time, bring it to him so he could see what was wrong. To make a longer story short, yes you guessed it, the can contained Pink grapefruit.
Jesse Moved a Mountain
At the moment I have a 43 page file that I call “New Gems,” and it contains a word, a phrase, or a paragraph to remind me of a story that I want to add to the “Family Archives.” Today when I went to that file, the next story to be written about, was one that Brother Jesse told me about months ago.
Here is the story. I am not positive when it happened but it must have been at least 75 years ago. His teacher at school was trying to get him to work at his best ability, so told him, “With your ability you could move a mountain. With the effort you put forth, a mole hill is safe.” Well it made the point, and until his early 70s, he was a teacher and college Professor.
But today, March 21, 2009, Jesse Moved a Mountain. Just a couple of hours ago, I received an Email that said they found Jesse’s body sitting in his easy chair, his head drooped, and the TV on, but the real Jesse was no where to be found. He had left for Heaven, quietly.
The coincidence is that two years and two days ago I telephoned Jesse. He was not home, his son-in-law had taken him to the doctor, his daughter Meg, answered the phone.
We talked for a few minutes, then I asked how her mother was doing. Laura had been in bed for 5 or 6 years, not in pain, but unable to move by herself. Jesse was the caretaker, each and every minute of each and every day. Meg said that her mother was doing as usual, and had just fallen to sleep.
A few minutes later Meg called me back, and told me that her mother had not fallen to sleep, she had left for Heaven, quietly, with no fuss and bother. Now they are together again.
Well, the best I can, I will try to tell the story of how they met. In Sept 1939, Jesse had won a two-year scholarship to attend William Jennings Bryan University, in Dayton, Tennessee (the name was shortened to Bryan College in 1993). He hitchhiked part way there, then got on a train. There were only a couple of seats available, and when a nice lady got on the train, she sat in the seat next to Jesse. And you have guessed it, for the next 70 years they have been side by side, waiting to rejoice in Heaven.
Laura said her father had told her that way to make sure a man on a train was a nice man, was to see what book or magazine he was reading. Jesse was reading Popular Science, so he passed the test, and she sat beside him forever and ever.
He was going to dig a hole
When I worked at The RAND Corp., among other things, we trained the RADAR operators in the Air Defense Command. One time, for reasons I do not remember, I was sent to Washington DC with a bunch of (other Ha!) PhDs, to do a special version of the training program.
As could be expected, one afternoon everything that could go wrong, went wrong. The two-star General, in charge of the whole system, got up and as he left the room said, “I am going home and dig me a deep hole in the back yard!” That was at the time when Bomb Shelters were all the rage.
Cook it Well Done
I always like my meat cooked until there is not a bit of “pink” left in the meat. One time I took three customers to a famous Prime Rib restaurant near Marina del Rey, on the Ocean near Los Angeles. When my meal arrived, as usual, it was pink inside. I asked the waiter to try again, and he came back with a funny smile and a plate with enough meat to feed a family.
He said that the previous day, when they cooked an oven filled with several large Prime Ribs, someone made a mistake, and put one of them in the second time. Of course the cook was sure it was beyond repair, but had not yet thrown it out.
It was the best Prime Rib I ever had in a restaurant, and the fellows with me were given samples, and loved them. The waiter said that the cook tried it and liked it, but was sure they did not dare put really Well Done Prime Rib on the Menu. I offered to take the rest of it home in a doggy bag, but that was not permitted.
I must have taken customers to a 1,000 restaurant meals. Since I was the host, I always ordered last. I would always order my steak Well Done. They were unhappy that so many times when a meal is ordered Well Done, the waiter, or others at their table, would complain or at least kid them about it.
After they heard me order “well done,” several times my customers cancelled their order for fish or chicken, and ordered a steak well done. That always shook up the waiter, and one time the cook came from the kitchen and complained that we all wanted our meat cooked all the way through.
I soon learned which restaurant in several cities, where the cook could do the meal “right.”
Now as I write this, I remember a lady in Phoenix, a long time friend, did the same thing when we went to dinner together. She loved a Well Done steak, but would order chicken or fish, just to make sure no one made fun of her.
I loved the meat the way I wanted it, and didn’t care what anyone thought or said about it. But my poor Sweetie, for 55 years she cooked and cooked my steak until it was dead, as she called it.
Clean the Club
At an Army Base, maybe Ft. Benning, GA, a bunch of us were sent to the Officer’s Club, to get it all cleaned for some big party that night.
The dance floor needed to be waxed and polished. The floor polish machine had a 2 foot diameter brush. I made sure I did not have to polish the floor, since I tried it one time, and I knew how difficult it could be to control the machine.
While a solider was carefully polishing the floor, the machine got out of his control, flew across the room and right through a large plate glass window, out to the lawn. Thank goodness it wasn’t my fault.
Her Best Possible Investment
At one place I worked, a key-punch operator was a sweet lady, rather nice looking, but her face was somehow a little out of shape. Her husband was in the US Army, and one day there was an accident, and he was killed.
We all felt sorry for the lady, but we were all thrilled when she spent a small part of his insurance money for a face lift, and now she was a very beautiful lady. I have never seen such a change in the looks of a lady. Not bad looking at first, but beautiful after the operation. The best investment she could have made.
No Stage Fright for Me
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, there was a children’s day program at the church. I was to make a little speech, and was told over and over not to be scared, or nervous when I was on the platform. I was told that a dozen times.
Well, I went onto the platform and looked around and started to laugh and laugh. Nothing anyone said could get me to stop laughing and get on with my speech. Finally my Mother came to me and asked why I was laughing.
I said, “All of you said I was not to be scared when I got on the stage. I looked around and I know all these people, so why should I be scared?”
That must have been good training, because in the rest of my life I must have made a thousand speeches and presentations about computers, to crowds with as many as a couple of thousand people, and never had stage fright.
Trust Everyone all the Time
One of my Writing Gems says, “Wouldn't you rather trust everyone all of the time and be wrong once in a while, than trust no one at any time, and be right once in a while.” I used that idea in my business many times, but never when a lawyer was involved. They don’t know the meaning of the word trust.
For example, one afternoon I sold a house. The buyer and I agreed on the price, the down payment, and all the other details, and were to meet at the Escrow office at 9 AM in the morning. The buyer pulled out a tablet and his checkbook, and started to write. I said, “We agreed to meet at the Escrow office at 9 in the morning, and if we can’t trust each other that long, we should find that out right now, not after some papers are signed, and money paid.”
The man was shocked, but agreed I was right. I used that idea of trust many times in both business and personal life.
Collapsible Two-wheel Cart
Back in the ‘60s and ‘70s Airline Stews often had a small collapsible two-wheel cart to haul their bags. Since I then traveled most every week, I got one for me to use. A few months later My Most Beautiful Sweetie and I were checking into the Sheraton Hotel on the Island of St. Thomas, when it collapsed to nothing.
A few months later I was in Sacramento on business, during lunch time I went to the mall looking for Christmas presents for my Sweetie. While looking in a luggage store, the VP of one of the largest luggage makers came in and asked a question or two of the wandering customers.
My answer was for them to build a suitcase with built-in wheels, and a collapsible handle, built into the suitcase. He was shocked, and said that wouldn’t look good, but all the other customers cheered and said that was exactly what they wanted.
With a shocked look on his face he made some sketches. I reminded him that since most luggage at that time was made of molded plastic, they could use larger wheels than on some suitcases so it would cross a crack in he sidewalk, and the wheels and handle could be molded into the suitcase so it would not get caught in the luggage conveyer. He was shocked, and said that would take a little space from the inside, but the customers cheered.
Too bad I never got his name, and never gave him my name!
The Bank was Robbed
About 40 years ago I was on the phone talking to the Manager of my Bank of America branch. He quietly told me, “We are being robbed.” I said, “Do what you must.”
He said, “I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do, keep talking on the phone, and look like I am paying little attention to him. Someone has already hit the alarm switch, and every employee is supposed to continue what they are doing, including quietly handing the robber the money. Now he is heading for the door, I can see the police cars already in front of the bank, and now they have him.” That was the end of that.
Was I Un-Social, or Non-Social
My Mother was well aware of my un-social, or is that non-social, behavior. One time, when I was about 7 years old, my older brothers and sisters were having a Sunday School Picnic at our home on the farm. You would expect that a young kid would be more involved at the picnic than he should be. My Mother finally found me, in the hay mow in the barn, not at all interested in the young people and the picnic.
Once when my Dad was preaching in a Church in Altoona, there were a bunch of kids making a noisy fuss. My Mother turned and looked at the balcony where the noise was coming from, and of course did not see me. I was sitting by myself on the other side of the church.
I guess that explains my life and why I never had a date with a young lady until I met the One And Only.
I remember being hollered by the Ship’s Officers in Manila and Calcutta, because I was out walking by myself instead of with a bunch of guys who would be going places that I had no interest in.
After I Met the One and Only, thank goodness she felt much the same way. On the many harbors we visited while on a cruise ship, we went on the tour only when actually necessary, as in the Soviet Union, where we could only get passports that were good for the tour. Just walking around was not permitted.
I remember while in the Army, a couple of times I went to the bus station on Saturday morning, and said give me a $10 round trip ticket to somewhere. I wanted to be alone, not hanging with a bunch of uninteresting people.
I could tell a thousand stories like this, but you get the idea. When I was scheduled to make a speech at a Computer convention or gathering of some kind, I was famous for doing my part, then disappearing from sight.
One time my Boss was very upset that instead of attending a party in an expensive hotel in Wash DC, I spent my time in the gallery of the US Senate.
In her last years, I took my Sweetie for a walk and a drive to Nowhere, most every day. I liked to see her smile and laugh, then found that happened when others were laughing. I then made sure that several times each day, I would find some reason to tell a joke to someone we met on the street, because if I could make them laugh, my Sweetie would laugh.
Well, in a small way I have continued that as I walk on the street and in the Mall each day. I feel that if I can make someone laugh, that is good for both of us. By the end of my walk, at least a half dozen people have smiled or laughed out loud, and I haven’t been hit yet.
He Sure Had Opinions
My Dad was a little more than opinionated on most subjects, including the subject of gambling. He was commenting on some recent news story, and made some comment about how he had never been involved in any way with gambling.
I then told him, “The other night when you were preaching in that church in Altoona, I noticed the young men across the aisle were betting what minute you would close your Bible, at the end of the Sermon.”
I thought he was going to faint. I reminded him that in one way of thinking, each time he went somewhere in the car, he was gambling that some nut would or would not run into him.
I was told this story as if it was true.
At a restaurant at a truck stop, an elderly man was sitting at the counter eating his breakfast. A half-dozen motorcycle riders came into the restaurant, and started to make a lot of noise and hollered and pushed each other, to the disgust of the elderly man.
When he asked them to let him alone, they spilled salt and pepper in his bowl of cereal, and poured water in his coffee. The man paid his bill and left.
The motorcycle guys laughed and hollered, and told the Dining room waiter, “What an idiot that man is, he can’t take a joke.”
The waiter said, “He is also a bad driver, as he left in his 18 wheeler truck, he ran over 6 motorcycles.”
A Lesson to be Learned
One time Sweetie was using a knife to separate some frozen hamburgers, and it slipped and cut her hand. I took her to Eisenhower Hospital, to have them look at it, and sew it up if needed. She had her hand wrapped in a towel, and I will always remember that the nurse said, “Oh my, I am always scared to death of what I might find when I unwrap the towel.”
Well, it was not a bad cut, and she bandaged it carefully and sent us home.
While we were there, an ambulance arrived, and some people came running in to see what they would find. It turns out that the people were attending a special dinner at a Mobile Home Park, when this man just collapsed from his chair.
His wife, who had been sitting beside him, was here, and when she found he was dead, of course she broke down and cried, and her friends did what they could to calm her down.
She then pulled herself together, and said I must call my boys at home. You never saw such a change in demeanor. The lady straightened herself up, talked in a firm voice, and explained to her bys, that now she was the only parent left, and that the boys would have to learn how to help her conduct their way of life.
She then hung up the phone, and again almost collapsed. She said, “He is gone, so now I must let my sons know that he will not be back, and we must now continue our lives.”
The amazing thing was how she was able to talk to her boys in a rather calm, authoritative voice, then when she was not talking to them, her sorrow took over. It was incredible, and a lesson in the difference between life and death. We were amazed, and touched.
The Instruments Froze
One year on November 11, our school band was to play in the parade in Altoona. Well, that didn’t happen. It was so cold the instruments froze. The trombone would not slide, the trumpets valves would not move, and the drums sounded funny.
That Was My Home
When I was stationed at Ft. Knox, KY, several times I went home for the weekend. I am not sure, but I think the train went directly from Louisville to Chicago, and that RR track ran right behind our garage. Maybe I changed trains at Indianapolis, but I don’t think so.
The conductor was unhappy when he saw me throw something over the fence, as we were slowing to stop at Flora. I told him that was my home, and I didn’t want to carry my bag home. Of course he didn’t believe me, even after I did it on two trips, while he was there.
However one time as I was returning to Ft. Knox on a Sunday PM, that very same conductor saw my Mother standing near the garage, waving goodbye. He got a big kick out of that, and now believed my earlier story.
Zzzzzzzz Sent
A Miracle about to happen
Did you ever hear the story about the man who claimed he was disabled, won his case at a trial and was being paid a million dollars by the insurance company.
After the trial the insurance company lawyer told him, “We don't believe you, and we are going to watch you carefully. If we ever find you can move by yourself, you are going to pay back the money and go to jail.”
The man replied, “I am going to have my wife push my wheel-chair to the airport and put me on a plane to Paris, then on a train to the south of France, and at Lourdes you are going to see the greatest miracle in history!”
Tidbit by Jim and Emmy HumberdSimilar tidbits in: Humberd Chronicles, Travel Tidbits
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