Jim's Writing Nuggets
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During all of our travels, even the greatest problems have been solved or forgotten within the hour!
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Sometimes during the night, I wake up and wonder. Where are we now? Are we really! Is this for real! Isn't this wonderful!
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Each and every Nugget is true, we lived them all, wrote each and every word.
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If these Nuggets give the impression we are cheerleaders for travel in Europe, that is correct.
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Sweetie usually agrees with me in what we see or where we go, but sometimes it appears that agreement is just her easy way out. If she agrees with me, she doesn't have to present an alternative.
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I built a Weather Station outside my window. I used a little rope to tie a stone to a tree limb, and here are the rules.
If the rock is wet, it’s raining.
If the rock is white, it’s snowing.
If I can see the rock, it’s daytime.
If I can’t see the rock, it’s night time.
If the rock is moving, the wind’s blowing.
If the rock is under water, it’s been raining a lot.
If the rock and the tree are missing, we’ve had a tornado.
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I know for a fact that if the marriage is good, there is nothing better. And I have been told if the marriage is bad there is nothing worse.
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My boss was leaving for vacation, I said, “I hope you enjoy your vacation as much as we will.”
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I was the driver and my responsibility was to find the most beautiful, scenic place to park at mealtime.
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I'm the RV driver, Sweetie is the cook, but cooking is the least important of her real duties. I mean her enjoyments!
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Being married to an older woman does have certain advantages. Well, I did have to wait a year for my first Social Security check.
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I strongly suggested that we be among the first off the boat, to beat the crowd. “Strongly” you can believe, but the word “suggested” might be a little hard to accept.
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You should see the enchanting, delectable, heavenly view I see at most every meal!
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When I squeeze my Sweetie I always hear bells and chimes.
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Police ladies burst out in laughter when I managed to inform them, “The vehicle license plate is German, the passengers are Californians.”
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After a good night’s sleep Sweetie said, “I feel like a new woman,” and I said, “Goodness knows I need one.”
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Sweetie has expressed her concern for these hard working women, but has yet to express that sentiment concerning my childhood labors.
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My love of band music (and girls) easily persuaded me to walk all over town listening to the band, and watching … .
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At the Communist Party Meeting in Stockholm, I said I did even better than that, “I gave my whole job to a needy person, not just part of my earnings.”
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A selective memory is a great thing. I can't tell you much about it, since I have one, I can't remember what it is.
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For better or worse, most everybody agrees that in both its positive and its negative connotations, the word that describes me is accurate. My word? Curious!
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What is the difference between a cane and a walking stick?
Answer, “Twenty years.”
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There's good news - there's a lady in the hot tub without her bra.
And there's bad news - I need one as much as she does!
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I told my Doctor, “How do I know if I am feeling as I should. I’ve never been this age before”
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The best diagnosis for my problem is “Eightyitis.”
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How can you be that dumb, and still eat so well?
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I was too dumb to know how smart I was.
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I hate CHANGE, the only thing to CHANGE is hate itself. No one can hate IMPROVEMENT.
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A great wit is a terrible thing to waste. A half wit is a great thing to waste.
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I don't remember seeing a sign. Maybe I thought I was on a Scottish ferry and L-a-d-i-e-s spelled “Laddies.”
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The applause we heard was for my Sweetie as she descended the ladder. Do you wonder who led the applause?
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I pointed to the Visa Card imprinter and jokingly asked, “Antique?” The lady laughed and said, “No, pratique.”
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I was in such physical shape that when I reached the top of the 768 steps in the Cathedral steeple in Ulm, Germany, I wasn't even breathing hard. In fact, I almost wasn't breathing at all.
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A little girl in France wanted to know where we lived, but when I mentioned America and California, she didn't understand. When I said Disneyland, her face lit up and she said (through an interpreter), “If you could be in Disneyland today, why are you in France?” (1983)
(I received a Thank You note from Mike Eisner, for this Letter in the LA Times.)
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“The older I get, the better I was.”
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The barber in Interlaken, Switzerland, was a blond with soft, warm hands. That's better than either a 110 or 220 volt shaver.
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I am in such physical condition that I can touch my knees without even bending my elbows.
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The advantage of not graduating from high school or college, includes the right
not to care who wins a ball game.
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About the only thing I remember from High School, was helping Audrey when she was having trouble with her garter.
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The teacher thought some lucky boy might see Mary Ellen's panties reflected in her shiny patent leather shoes.
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In Las Vegas I loved the material used to make the waitress’s uniforms. It shrank so nicely.
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Her T shirt had a printed message. She asked, “Do you like my message?” I said, “No, but I love the message board!”
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At the movie in Manila in 1946, I thought some artist had painted a beautiful night scene on the ceiling. Then I noticed, the moon had moved!!
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When the nurse was finished punching holes in me, filling me with awful tasting stuff, I said, “If this is the most fun you can be, no wonder you're never asked for a second date.”
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The Principal fumed when I said, “Your school is boring, the Library is interesting.”
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Pat gave me the phone number of her beautiful friend. For over 55 years that “phone” rang and rang and rang, and Sweetie “answered” each and every time.
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In Istanbul I priced a beautiful rosewood cane, inlaid with brass. The price of $75 elicited this comment, “Bob's not that good of a friend.”
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They asked me what I was going to buy with my prize of $25, won in a tennis match. After looking at the prices in the Country Club shop, I said, “I think I'll put a down payment on a pair of socks.”
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As we crossed the Atlantic Ocean, in addition to Sweetie as my fascinating Bunkmate, there was the tall, slender German lady who visited the ship’s Sauna almost as often as I did. I never once recognized her when she was dressed.
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Once in a while our driver (me) did make a mistake. He thought he was wrong.
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I looked in the mirror the lady had just purchased, and said, “Wow, what a wonderful picture, who painted it, Michelangelo?”
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If I could get a job working with IBM equipment, I would be in an office environment, but would not need to strain my eyes, as in so many office jobs.
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I don't ride in Disneyland, gamble in Las Vegas, eat in Paris, or swim in the South Pacific, but I try to figure why they built this and that, instead of something else.
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Some people will be driving at 50 mph, on a street with a posted limit of 30 mph, and regardless of how much I blow the horn, they won't move over and let me pass.
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In the winter-time, one thing dumber than getting on an airplane in Los Angeles wearing an overcoat, is getting off an airplane in Minneapolis without one.
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Tidbit by Jim and Emmy HumberdSimilar tidbits in: Book = Writing Nuggets, Travel Tidbits
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